


Rare Soulmates

by AyafeatKalona



Series: Alternative Universes [Stray Kids x Merciadence] [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: F/M, mentioned Lee Minho/Han Jisung, mentioned Seo Changbin/Hwang Hyunjin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 00:29:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20648234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AyafeatKalona/pseuds/AyafeatKalona
Summary: In a world where only few people have a soulmate indicator, a young woman tries to survive her school life. With the beginning of the new school year, she find herself falling for the blonde and extremely handsome Australian boy with the stars on his face. Her problems do not vanish and everything becomes too much for her. Her indicator is not helping either.After all, having an indicator is almost seen as a crime so finding her soulmate - that one constant in her life - is almost impossible. She can only hope that her world does not give in to the weight of her problems.





	Rare Soulmates

I.  
The world is mysterious. Since the beginning of humanity there were a few chosen ones who were different: they bear an indicator, a name of the person who is destined to be with them, either as lovers or as best friends. 

Even now in 2019 not everyone has an indicator and those who have one keep it a secret. I hide mine as well. That moment when the name appeared on my left arm, I knew I have to meet them. And I will fight until the day I meet them. I hope they will hold me and tell me that I did a great job. I will not give up before that day comes. I will not be deceived before that day is here. I will not lose hope. 

His existence alone is proof that there is a place filled with happiness and peace for me in this world. I really want to find that place. I can only imagine what it is like. I can only dream about holding my soulmate. 

  
II.  
After six weeks of summer vacation it is finally here. The last year of high school. The final year and also the first year without my senior Bang Chan since he graduated before summer vacation with Kim Woojin, the senior of Lee Minho, a classmate and dear friend of me. Our little group is completed by Seo Changbin, who is Minho’s junior. I do not have a junior yet, but I am sure that will change soon. 

Right now, I am sitting in the classroom waiting for Minho. It is early in the morning and school does not start for two more hours but Minho and I always arrive earlier than the other students. We both just love the silence that fills the classroom, only being occasionally broken by our laughter as we silently chat. In these early hours we talk about everything and nothing. We mostly talk about homework or the latest book we read. Sometimes Minho has a new story about his cats: Sooni, Dongi and Dori. They are his babies, they are absolutely adorable, and he hopes that his soulmate – Han Jisung – will think so too. 

My hand reaches for my left arm automatically. I know the name that stand on it, I had many opportunities to just stare at the letters and to imagine what kind of person my soulmate is. Chan thinks he is special, he has not told me what he means, while Minho thinks he is going to be weird. Woojin thinks he is a serious person and Changbin thinks he will turn out to be a jokester. Personally, I do not care what he is or what he looks like. I only ask for one thing: acceptance. I want him to accept me for who I really am and not just for my family. If I could choose though, then I would like to have a hard-working person and-

A knock pulls me from my thoughts and I look at the source of it. In the door stands a boy I have never seen before, I would remember such a red hoodie. His blonde hair falls slightly in his face as he looks at me: “Hello, how may I help you?”, I ask him. “I am seeking the principal’s office.”, his deep voice echoes through the room. My eyes widen at the sound and I feel like my heart is about to burst. I shake my head to make the thoughts go away, then I smile at him. “I can help you. It is actually not that far from here.”, I offer him but he is the one to shake his head now. “No, it is alright. I am sure I can find it myself.” Oh.

Disappointing but nothing new. People never want to have something to do with me when they do not know my name. Just as I am about to answer him Minho appears behind him. “I can show you. I actually need to drop something there.”, he explains to the boy who just nods. “Thanks man.” Minho freezes and looks shocked. “Holy, your voice is deep.” The boy chuckles and my legs feel weak. His laugh sounds so majestic and rich that it turns my legs into jelly. “I get that a lot.” 

It takes Minho a few seconds to overcome the shock. He quickly drops his bag on my desk and says: “My dear, I need you to look after my bag while I bring my letter and this young man to Mr Winchester.” I nod at him and smile. “Try not to get lost.”, I tease him. He turns bright red from the mention of the accidents alone. “Not a word from you.”, he whispers. 

The new boy clears his throat and we look at him. “I just noticed that I have not introduced myself yet. My name is Lee Felix and I just moved here.” Minho and I share a glance before he replies: “My name is Lee Minho and that is McAdams Aya.” I wave at him and even from where I sit, I can see his eyes widen at my name. “McAdams? Like in McAdams Technical Solutions?”, his voice surprises me even more now. It suddenly changed octaves. I nod as answers and he was in front of me faster than I could say something. “It is so nice to meet you, Aya-noona!” Aya…-noona? Minho starts to laugh and falls into his chair. “You really…”, his laughter interrupts him, “You really call Aya noona?” Felix looks a little lost. “Should I not? You are older than me, right?” I nod quickly before stating: “You do not have to call me noona, though.” But Felix shakes his head making his blonde hair fly around. “I insist on it, Aya-noona.” 

And then he smiles. This smile causes Minho and me to freeze. We just stare at him for approximately a minute before his smile falters a bit. “Is something wrong?”, he tilts his head in confusion. The words slip from my lips faster than I can think: “You have a beautiful smile.” Felix blushes at my words and scratches the back of his neck. Now that his head is leaned down, I notice that freckles adorn his face. Apparently, Minho also just notices them and we say at the same time: “Freckles?” 

This causes the boy to turn bright red, just as red as his hoodie. At the sight of his blushing face I start to remember his request: “Minho, you should show him the way to the office.” Both boys are seemingly pulled out of their thoughts and nod. “Right, I should. Thanks for reminding me.” Minho makes his way to the door. “You can trust him.”, my words echo through the classroom causing Felix to turn back to me. “He is nice. Oh, and sorry for that. We are quite…weird.” Felix smiles again. “It is fine.” 

With that he makes his way to Minho. Before he leaves the classroom, he turns back to me. “It was really nice to meet you, Aya-noona. Hopefully I will get a chance to fully experience how weird you two can be. See you around.” He leaves the classroom after that and Minho slides the door shut. I only hear a “lover boy” from Minho and an embarrassed “hey” from Felix. I am left alone in the classroom. I can hear their footsteps slowly fading in the hallway. 

The room is colder now. It seems Felix has the ability to brighten a room. It leaves me in awe. A soft chuckle leaves my lips. Felix is an interesting boy. He has the face and the smile of an angel but the voice of a demon. I really would like to get to know him more. I sigh: ‘Yeah, sure. As if the next super popular boy of the school wants to be friends with me. You saw his reaction to your name.’, a voice in my head states. I sigh again and I fold my arms on my desk to put my head on them. A sad smile graces my lips. ‘I will never become close with him.’, I think. Silence fills the room again. I look out of the window to see a beautiful sunrise and I know feelings for Felix will soon rise like the sun and vanish again not long after that like the setting sun. This later, however, would not happen as soon as I thought. 

III.  
Two weeks passed by. Just like I thought Felix is the most popular boy in school now. I hear his name often in the library where I prefer to spend my lunch break. Minho and Changbin are in the cafeteria among most of the students. I sigh quietly as I lean on the table in front of me. The book really is not that interesting, so I daydream. 

I dream about a day where I can go out with my friends, Felix being one of them. Where father waits with dinner at home greeting me with a smile. However, that will never happen. I cannot go out with my friends because of the possibility of journalists spotting us or rather me. Being the daughter of one of the most well-known and most famous electronic producers is a pain. I cannot live my life like normal people, I am even forbidden to eat in a restaurant and I am not allowed to go grocery shopping either, I have to buy everything online and one of my father’s workers deliver them to me. That is very awkward. But not only that, people only want my attention to impress my father or because they want presents from me. 

Thankfully, my senior Chan was different. He really wanted to get to know me for me. We quickly became real friends and with him came Woojin and Minho joined our circle of friends too. All of us clicked instantly. I am so grateful to Chan. He really helped me out of my loneliness.

A hand on shoulder pulls me from my thoughts. I look up and see Mr Winchester, our principal. “Hello Aya. How are you?”, he asks as he takes a seat besides me. I quickly bow before I answer: “I am very well, Mr Winchester. Thank you for your concern.” He smiles gently, “How are things with your junior? I heard she is quite difficult to handle.” My mind goes blank. I have a junior? I know that everyone has one but since no one approached me I thought that I do not have one. “I am sorry, but I do not understand the question. I have a junior? Because no one approached me yet.” His smile turns into a sad one. “So she did not approached you. I had a feeling.”, he says, “Her name is Mary Johnson and she is in class 1-B. You should be able to find her easily. Her red jacket really stands out.” A red jacket? She wears a red jacket? And here I thought Felix is the only one who wears red in this school. Apparently he is not. 

I stand up and bow: “Thank you for telling me about her. I will try and find her now.” I pick up my book when I see him nodding. “Do that. Have a nice day.”, he says. I nod and leave the library. 

The classrooms for the first year are on the ground-floor. Thousand questions flash through my mind. ‘Why did she not come to me? She must know my name so why? Does she think she will not need me? Then she should have been at least polite enough to introduce herself to me.’ 

I make my way into classroom 1-B and just like Mr Winchester said there is a girl with a red jacket. She is really beautiful. Her long black hair falls down her back and her features are stunning. She is the total opposite of me: thin, small, cute and beautiful. 

Not many students are present as I make my way over to her. She looks up from her food as I stand next to her. Almost immediately a mocking smile appears on her face. “What do you want, fatty?” Her words do not shock me but the way her high voice sounds so arrogant. It seems like she wants to scare me, however, the smirk leaves her face when I answer her with a friendly smile: “I guess you must be Mary Johnson. My name is Aya McAdams, your senior. If you need anything do not hesitate to come to me. I would be glad to help you.” I extend my hand for to grab but she only eyes it with disgust. “You are the daughter of the CEO? God, why have I gotten such a disgusting and ugly person? Listen fatty, I do not need your help so leave me alone.” I lower my hand and nod: “Okay. I already thought you would say that. At least I know now that I do not have to babysit you.” I turn on my heel and walk out of the classroom.

In the hallway I meet a familiar face. “Aya-noona?” I can see Mary’s head snapping up from the sound of his deep voice. I smile at the blonde boy with the red hoodie in front of me. “Greetings Felix. How do you like the school so far?” A smile spreads on his lips. “I am fine. The school is so cool and so is my senior. His name is Seo Changbin. I have to introduce you to him.” My eyes widen at the name. “Binnie is your senior?” His face turns into a question mark. “You know him?” Now my lips turn into a smile. “Yes, I know him. He is Minho’s junior. You remember Minho, do you?” His face lights up even more now. “Of course, I remember Minho-hyung. He told me quite a lot about the school and about his cats”, ”Sooni, Dongi, Dori.”, we say at the same time and start laughing immediately afterwards. “Yeah, he speaks a lot about them. He really loves them after all.”, I say and the bright smile is on his face again: “Yeah. Hey, that reminds me. Changbin-hyung wants to introduce me to someone today to hang out after school. Could you come? Just to make sure.” He shyly averts his eyes from me to the ground. A smile forms on my lips at the sight. This boy really is precious. “Of course, I can.” His head snaps up and he looks at me with wide eyes. “Really?”, he asks. “Really. If it makes you feel better, then I can come. I could also ask Minho if he wants to come too if you want.” He is practically beaming at me. “Yes, please.” I nod.

Then I hear a voice from behind me. “Can I come too?” I turn around to find Mary standing behind me playing with her fingers. She actually looks shy. I blink a few times before I know why: it is because of Felix. She seemed shocked when she heard me talking casually with him. I exchange a look with him before he asks: “And why? We never talked to each other before and you do not know even one of the persons we just mentioned.” She finally looks up and her eyes fall on me: “Aya-sunbaenim is my senior and therefore responsible for me.” I raise an eyebrow at her. First, she tells me to leave her alone and now she wants me to babysit her? I know why, too. I have a use for her now because she knows that Felix and I are ‘friends’. Therefor she only needs me to get close to Felix. However, I am sure Mr Winchester had an intention when he told me about her. So I sigh and look at him: “Is that okay for you, Felix?” He smiles at me. “If she is your junior it is only right for her to be there too.” I look into his eyes that shine with excitement and I smile. He really is too adorable. “Well, I guess you can come too then. However, I should really go now. See you two after school.” I raise my hand and walk away. I have a very bad feeling about this. It feels like the pain is going to be growing stronger from now on. 

IV.  
Minho and I walk to the school’s front gate. I did not need to ask him if he wants to come because Changbin wants to introduce Felix to us. However I told both of them about my encounter with my very nice and friendly junior, please note the sarcasm, her change in demeaner towards Felix and that she will be there too. 

“Well, are you not nice to your junior?” We are at our locker now putting our books away. “You know you could have said ‘no’, do you?”, Minho comments the event. “You have not seen the look in Felix’s eyes when I told him I would be there. I could not have said ‘no’ to him.”; I admit. Minho smirks: “It seems like someone developed a crush on a certain boy, huh.” I feel my face burning and I sigh: “Perhaps I have. I do not know. After all, I never had a crush before.” Minho nods.

It is silent between us as we walk towards the front gate. Thanks to their red clothes I can already make out Mary and Felix. My steps come to a halt as I watch them: Felix and Changbin standing next to each other talking and Mary standing behind them looking totally out of place. I can tell Changbin is not very happy about her presence, especially after I told him about my encounter with her. Both Minho and Changbin made their dislike towards her quite clear but they also understand the reason why I am doing this: she was alone and after Felix said that she does not talk to anybody I saw my younger self in her. That younger self that had not meet Chan yet. I want to become to her what Chan became to me: a saviour, a great senior but more importantly a friend she can always lean on. I want to support her, no matter how bratty or arrogant she is going to behave towards me. After all, I was quite mean towards Chan in the beginning too. But Chan never gave up on me, regardless of any mean comment or sarcastic remark and I do not plan on giving up on Mary. My grip on my bag tightens.

“Aya-noona?”, I hear a deep voice calling me. This voice pulls me out of my thoughts. I look up from the ground and blink a few times. Slowly, the pictures of the past vanish and I can see the present again. Felix stands in front of me with worry dancing in his brown eyes. Minho’s hand is on my shoulder, Changbin is on my other side and Mary looks mad in the background. “Huh?”, is my not-so-smart response. Minho speaks up: “You were just staring at the floor and did not responded to us. I even placed my hand on your shoulder but not even that helped.” Changbin continues: “You finally reacted to Felix but even that took a few times.” I lower my head to process what they just wold me. “I see. I apologise for worrying you guys.” Minho squeezes my shoulder making me look up to see Changbin’s small nod. Felix eyes me with worried eyes before his bright smile appears on his face again, a reaction wo me smiling reassuringly. His face seems to burst if he continues to smile like that.

Changbin then steps away from my side and explains what we are going to do now: “We are going to the nice restaurant in the station, after that we will go to the arcade. Felix, are you ready to see how weird we are?” At his words Mary begins to cough. “Are you ready too, woman?”, he asks rather harshly. Mary just turns her head away from him with a “humpf”. I exchange looks with Minho and Changbin. It seems like Felix is the only one not realising what just happened as he talks with her: “Come on, I know this is going to be fun. They do not bite, trust me.” We raise our eyebrows at his words and watch in disbelief when Mary turns her head to face him while faking tears in her eyes. My friends and I lean closer together and we ask at the same time: “We do not bite?” before starting to laugh. Felix looks at us with a smile while Mary looks mad again. 

I take a deep breath before starting to walk again leaving the school ground. I call over my shoulder: “Come on, guys. We wanted to do something, right?” After a short silence, I hear their footsteps growing louder and shortly after all four are by my side. We chat while making our way to the station. The ban concerning eating in a restaurant is forgotten. 

After a rather quiet meal we are on our way to the arcade. We learned that despite his more fragile appearance Felix actually eats a lot, and I really mean it: a lot. Changbin offered to pay but had to ask Minho and me for money because Felix ate so much. We gladly helped but we keep complaining to Felix for eating so much, teasing him. I am currently walking behind them just watching them talk. Mary is still shy but she seems to be able to hold a conversation with Felix now. Changbin and Minho are sulking over their empty wallets causing Felix to apologise over and over again.

Watching them like this fills me with feelings of satisfaction and peace. Everyone is kind of getting along and I am glad. However, the longer I am watching them, the lonelier I feel, the louder the voices get. I stop but they do not. The voices only get louder as my friends walk away. 

‘They are happy. Just look at them. They fit perfectly and they do not need you to screw things up like you always do. They do not need you to destroy their peace.’ 

As the voices grow louder, tears fall from my eyes. However the are hidden by the sudden raindrops that hit my face. The rain is cooling the earth down. The people leave in a hurry to find shelter. I am the only one left on the pavement and I turn around walking home. My tears are falling to the ground joining the rain that soaks my uniform. I can faintly feel my phone vibrate in my skirt’s pocket but I do not feel stable enough to look who is calling me. My phone returns to silence and all I feel is the cold rain on my body. The pavement becomes my path home in the darkness. I walk for a while before I am standing in front of my door. I slip the key inside the lock and slip inside placing my soaked shoes on the small cupboard that stands behind the door. I leave my bag in the hallway as I make my way to the bathroom to shower. I undress and let the hot water run over my cold skin. The warmth almost burns me and I close my eyes whining from the pain. I do not move for a few minutes before I turn off the shower stepping outside. The cold air hits my body leaving goose bumps in its wake as I dress in warm clothes. 

In living room, I take my phone an go into my bedroom. There my phone screen lights up with a name I expected: Chan. I fall backwards on my bed accepting the call. As soon as I am lying a wave of exhaustion rushes over my body. I only hear him greeting me. Even through the exhaustion I can hear the worry in his voice. It seems like his voice is the last thing I need to finally fall asleep.

V.  
The sunrise is truly beautiful. A soft breeze accompanies the flash of colours from the sun. My breath is visible in the cold air this morning. The blue scarf around my neck is the only thing that really keeps me warm as neither the skirt or the jacket provide enough cover from the chilly wind. Despite the cold I do not go inside. It is so early that Minho is not here yet. 

On one side I am glad, especially after what I did yesterday. I saw this morning, after ending the call with Chan – I could hear his even breath telling me he slept too, which is a wonder – that it was him who tried to call me on my way home. He must have been so worried. On the other hand I am sad. The silence is killing me and I feel like I am drowning in the voices inside of my head. They are quite similar to the cold that is slowly making its way up my legs as I am sitting on an bench on the school rooftop. 

I lift my hands and rub them together. It does not help so I stand up, grabbing my bag and going downstairs into my classroom. There I see a letter on my seat. I know exactly who wrote that letter: it is from my father. He only speaks to me over the school. I pick up the letter and read it. The letter is the same as the other ones: a new console he is working on, money for the month and no sign of care or love. My hands start to tremble and tears stream down my face.

The door slides open but I do not care because I know it is Minho. He gasps before he quickly crosses the room and pulls me to his chest. ”It is alright.”, I hear him say, “I got you.” My face is pushed into his shoulder but I can make out the door of the classroom. Even through my blurry vision I see the red hood of Felix’s hoodie. Normally, I would be embarrassed in this situation but I am far too tired to care right now. My tears fall faster and I fully cry in Minho’s shoulder. 

The letter should not hurt this much. I am used to them but I hope every time that he would tell me that he is proud of me or that he loves me. Why am I never good enough for him? For anyone? I am not good enough as a daughter for my father, not good enough as a friend to Chan, Woojin, Minho and Changbin, not good enough as a senior to Mary and not good enough as a girl to Felix. 

Minho’s grips tightens on my shoulder and le leans his head on mine. I can hardly hear the door being shut but the hand that places itself on my back is heavy and not to overlook. This hand anchors me and calms me down because it is new in this situation. It does not take long for me to fully calm myself down. I am seated in my chair, Felix in front of me and we are waiting for Minho to change into a dry shirt and to get something to drink from the vending machines on the first floor. The silence is killing me but Felix’s worried gaze hurts more. His small hand lies on my knee to sooth me and I am really surprised that it actually works. I know him for barely two days and his effect on me is huge already. He makes me feel safe and protected.

The door opens and Minho enters the room. “Wow, you do not have to yell at each other like this” is his dry remark and I feel a small smile making its way on my lips. He hands me a can Cola and seats himself on my desk. “I guess you would like to know why I was breaking down minutes ago.”, I say but Felix shakes his head, “You do not have to tell me if it hurts you.” The smile that appears on his face is forced. “I just want to know that you are feeling better and that you do not cry anymore.” He sounds so sincere that my hearts breaks a little from his words. I lower my head in a small bow: “I thank you for your words.” His smile is stiff as he nods standing up and looking at the clock. “I have to go now. Mary wanted to meet up before class and she should be here by now. See you around.” He hastily makes his way out of the room and quickly disappears in the hallway. I can feel that he is uncomfortable being here any longer. That alone breaks my heart even more but I refuse to let them fall. I will not cry over a boy who was out of my reach from the very beginning. Minho stands up from my desk, pats my shoulder slightly and goes to his seat. 

Time flies by and the next time I regain my senses it is already lunch break. The classroom is almost empty when I take my bag to eat in the cafeteria for the first time in this year. However, I stop at the door as I see my friends sitting besides a smiling Mary and a beaming Felix. The grip on my bag tightens as I overhear two students talking: “Have you heard? Mary and Felix are dating now.”, one says and my heart stops. “I did . They are visual, a perfect couple. Why would they not date?”, the other one responds. ‘A visual couple.’ I bite my lip before turning around rushing to the library. I quickly enter and hide in the furthest corner from the door. The table is not even seen from the door and I can let my tears run freely. I bury my head in my arms to muffle my sobs. Now I am crying over him. I knew this would happen but I have not thought it would happen this quickly. Is that why is hurts so much? Because I was secretly hoping Felix would not go to someone as beautiful as Mary like everyone else? What was I thinking? I am so dumb. Is there one person in the world that likes me?

A sharp pain suddenly radiates from my left arm. My hand flies to the area. I completely forgot that I have one: a soulmate indicator. ‘That is right. There is a person in this world that is destined to like me, even as just a best friend. His name is on my arm. I cannot give up before I have found him. I need to find him.’ I quickly whip away my tears and make my way to my classroom. It is empty as I start eating at my desk. 

My head is filled with resolve: I will find my soulmate and I will make him stay. Not with my name but with my personality and my flaws. I will show him my imperfections hoping he will show me his. 

With this new-found strength I pull out my phone and message Minho: “Congratulations to the new couple.” I take a bite from my food before he answers: “I told them. They are kind of happy that you say that. You should come to the cafeteria though.” I quickly reply: “I am sorry but I cannot.” His reply is even faster than mine, “That is okay. I am a bit concerned for our new couple though. It seems that Felix has an indicator. He got a shock not that long ago.” My face turns into a frown. This does not sound good. Let us hope they can still be happy.

VI.  
A few months have passed since Mary and Felix started dating. They are the popular students in school now. Everyone admires their perfect relationship. They walk around school and everyone thinks that if they have indicators, they are each other’s soulmate. They fit perfectly. 

During the past few months a few things have changed: Minho found his soulmate, Han Jisung, randomly while grocery shopping. A few days later, Jisung transferred to our school ending up in Felix’s class. It turns out that Jisung is just one day older than Felix and they really behave like twins. It is so cute. So is the relationship between Minho and Jisung. You cannot say if they are best friends or more as they are constantly around each other but their atmosphere feels more like little children playing. 

Changbin also found his soulmate: a handsome young man named Hwang Hyunjin. They met at an exhibition where Hyunjin presented a couple of his pictures. They instantly clicked and our dark Changbin turns into Baby Changbin whenever Hyunjin is around.

I am glad for my friends but I cannot help but to feel extremely lonely. All of them have someone they lean on. All of them but me. I am still seeking my soulmate and the more time passes by, the more I see how happy my friends are, the more I feel this loneliness. And this loneliness hurts.

Father released a new gaming console and sent me one. Since it was Felix’s birthday, I gave it to him. That day he really outshined the stars, the moon and the sun in the sky. I wanted to kiss him but Mary hugged him and squealed just as loud as him. ‘I never really had a chance, huh?’ Sadly, my feelings for Felix did not go away. If anything they grew stronger. Seeing him smile hurts but is also soothes my pain a bit. I can endure it if he keeps on smiling like that. 

I am on my way to the cafeteria as I hear something: “Oi Felix, how is the new console?” I stop and listen: “It is great. I am so happy that Aya-noona gave me one.” I smile at his words. ‘Still noona.’ However, my smile vanishes quickly as I hear the next words: “The only reason to befriend her, right? You are very smart, Felix. Befriend her to get the newest consoles and games.” My heart stops. “I mean it was my thought in the beginning…” I cannot hear more as I stumble away. My feet carry me to the library. The furthest corner is empty so I sit down, crying again.

‘That is the only reason he befriended me. Not even because I am Minho’s and therefor Changbin’s friend, not because I am Mary’s senior. No, he became my friend because he wants the newest gaming gears and games, only because of my name and my father’s company.’

The thought strikes me to the core and breaks my heart. I thought he is not like other people. I thought he is different. But in the end, everyone is the same. The same manipulating jerks and idiots that only use you for their own benefits., to get what they want easily, without doing anything for it.

Anger soon replaces my sadness and tears. I am fuming with anger, raging inside. The last classes of the day fly by and I am on my way to my locker. I can hear a voice calling my name, Felix’s voice. But I do not stop. His footsteps grow louder and he touches my shoulder to stop me and turn me around. “Aya-noona, have you not heard me?”, he asks and I force a smile- “I am sorry. I really have not heard you.” He does not look convinced but does not ask further. 

As we walk to our lockers he begins talking about a new game that he really wants. Anger quickly rises within me as I think back to the conversation I heard and I stop. Felix looks at me confused. “Is that really all I am good for? Getting you new consoles and game? Really?” I know I am right as I see his face turn into one filled with regret and panic. “If this is all you want from me, then I do not need you as a friend.” I brush past him. He tries to catch my wrist but I quickly turn around stopping him. “Please, Aya-noona. Let me explain.” I feel my voice shaking with anger that escaped from within my body. “Explain? What is there to explain? You only wanted to be my friend because you wanted new gaming gear and games. You really are like everyone else.” I step closer to him and whisper: “Don’t you dare to ever show your face to me again.” I turn around and walk a few steps before turning to him one last time today. The shock and pain are visible on his face and in his eyes. 

My voice is quiet as I say: “I really thought you are different. That you are not like everyone else. Seems like I was wrong. You are the same as everyone else: a fake and a liar. I am disappointed in you. I hate people like you. So do me a favour and never come near me ever again.”

I turn around and leave him standing there. The pain in his eyes hurts me but that he only used me hurts the most. I really thought he was different. 

The next two weeks are like hell especially since Minho and Changbin do not know what happened. While I spent my lunch in the library, they spent theirs in the cafeteria. According to Minho, Felix looks like someone punched him. He looks hurt, his eyes are filled with pain and regret and his bright smile seemed to have vanished. 

Yes, I feel bad but I am also hurting. I cannot simply go to him and force an explanation. I simply cannot do that. So I avoid them, my friends and Felix. It hurts a lot but I would like to hear an apology before I forgive him. So I ban him from my life completely, or at least I try to.  
  
VII.  
I have not expected to see Felix like this again. But here he is. In front of the door of my neighbours. As I take slow steps forward his head turns in my direction. I can make out his freckles and his wide eyes.

“Aya-noona?”, his voice is quiet. He seems to be afraid of speaking louder. “What are you doing here?” “I am living here”, I answer coldly as I walk past him to my door, “And I guess you do too.” I hear a faint “yeah” from him as I search for my keys in my bag. “What are you doing out here though? Forgot your keys?” I take a glance over my shoulder to see him indeed blushing slightly. His deep voice sounds embarrassed as he answers: “I overslept this morning and in my rush I forgot them.” I nod before opening the door. “You can come inside to wait for your parents.” A surprised “Really?” is the only reply so I turn to face him.

The dime light that shines from the lamp above him radiates from his skin and makes him glow. It makes his wide brown eyes stand out. On one side, they seem like a dark abyss that swallows you. On the other, they are like a bowl of melted chocolate that you want to drown yourself into. Even though he is standing a few meters away from me I can make out his freckles as they cover his cheeks and his nose, I really want to touch them as I count every single on of them. His lips look full and it is really hard for me not to go there and kiss him. The way the light highlights his face in all the right places makes it really hard for me to keep my feelings for the younger boy in check. After what happened three weeks ago, I thought I would have buried my feelings for him but they are still there. The red hoodie – that he still wears beneath his jacket and whose hood covers his blonde hair and casts shadows over his face – makes him look even more gorgeous. 

I turn my face away from him and take my shoes off: “Unlike others I do not like to see people suffer. It is going to be cold and even though you wear that hoodie I still recall the times when you said that you are cold despite the hoodie.” I place my shoes on the little cupboard and make my way into my flat. “Come in already.” I turn on the light and place my bag on the chair in front of my desk. 

“I am coming in then.”, is his timid reply and then I hear the front door being closed as he carefully places his school bag down. “Do you want something to drink? I have water and tea.”, I ask him walking into the kitchen that is right next to him. “A glass water is fine, thank you.” Her places his shoes next to mine before slowly making his way into my flat. I can see him walking towards my desk obviously very interested in the picture frames I have standing there. He takes one in his hand and I can see his grip tightening on the frame.

I place the glass for him on the couch table and take a seat on the couch, my eyes not leaving him. “Is she a friend?”, he asks and shows me the picture. On the picture are two people, a little girl and an older man. The girl holds a certificate in its small hands and both are grinning. I shake my head: “No, that is me.” 

His eyes are glossy and his face is void of any emotion. “What?” The disbelief is evident in his voice so I repeat myself. “That is me before I was adopted.” I avert my eyes as his piercing gaze becomes too much to handle. “Believe it or not, but I am not the blood-related daughter of the CEO of McAdams Technical Solutions. My name is not even Aya. I am from Germany. I was giving to an orphanage once it was clear that my parents were unable to raise me safely. Mr McAdams saw me and took me in.” Silence follows my words but I expected that. After all, I just told him that Aya McAdams does not exist. “That is why I hate people trying to use me. Because it reminds me that I am not even real.” 

I have not noticed that Felix has moved during my words. I only look up after he places a hand on my cheek. I blink a few times to see his face only centimetres away from mine. My wide eyes stare in his deep brown one as he whispers: “What does it say Your indicator, I mean?” Slowly, my right hand moves to my left arm and I pull up my sleeve for him to see the name that stand there: “Lee Yongbok”, he reads before his hands carefully traces the letters: “I do not like that name.” My voice is as hushed as his: “But I do.” His eyes search mine again. “His name gives me hope that there is someone out there who will not hurt or use me.” His eyes flicker between my eyes and my lips. It seems like he has to process my words before he suddenly leans forward and connects our lips together. 

It is my first kiss. I have no idea what to do so I just stay still. I never thought I would kiss him, never even dared to dream about this moment. After a few seconds my hands find their way around his neck accidently brushing his hood off his head and brushing the hair on the back of his head. A strangled sound leaves his lips and we part to look at each other. “Do you want to know what mine says?”, he asks and I hesitate but nod slowly. His hand leaves my cheek, the cold air rushing to the now empty place, and slips up his sleeve. My eyes widen at the name: ‘Teresa-Christin Sebastian’. That is the name that stands there. I trace the letters with my fingers. It feels unreal. I take his arm in my hands and search for signs that it is not real. However, I find nothing.

“It is real.”, his voice pulls me out of my trance. “I am sorry.”, is my reply as I release his arm from my hold, “It is just that I have not seen that name in a very long time.” I can feel his gaze on my face as I avoid looking at him. His left hand reaches up to cup my cheek making the sleeve of his red hoodie fall down again covering the name. The way he touches me – gentle, soft – makes it seems like he is afraid that I will break down. Slowly, Felix tilts my head upwards forcing me to look at him. “It is yours, is it not? You real name?”, he asks. I gulp before I nod. Smiling he closes the distance between us once more and peaks my lips slightly.

Right now, everything seems alright. But I know that nothing is. Felix is still the boyfriend of my junior Mary and they are still viewed as the perfect couple. However, in that moment when Felix’s lips touch mine in a heated kiss, it does not matter. The moment feels magic, just like all the scenes when the protagonist finds their soulmate in every book I ever read. Finding your soulmate really makes the world seem as if everything is perfect. And in that moment when I finally pull Felix’s body on my lap, the world seems perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> A one-shot for Felix's birthday and a little side-story for the upcomming story of Merciadence.  
Part one of many, hopefully.


End file.
